Coming soon!

My apologies for being quiet for a while. I have been busy designing and creating my first website! Many thanks to my husband and the website development team for their time, support and expertise! Stay tuned for more details as we hope to go live soon!

Fungus to Fountain

It's easy to get stuck in the mundane, living in a routine that leaves little room for expression or connectedness. Productivity is lost when we wallow in our changeless existence. It is discontent that leads us either to depression or motivation. A conscious decision must be made to overcome the lame, fungus-like state. We must coerce our feet, dragging as they may, in the direction of intentional movement. I find it is in the intentional that we meet connectedness; a connectedness that offers us a refreshing fountain of fulfillment.

Spoken Word

Disclaimer: I do not support all of the views portrayed in this video, but appreciate the message.

Happy New Year!

People Pleaser

People pleasers place everyone before themselves feeling others see them as nice people. They consistently go out of their way for others and are seen as having a servant’s heart. This sounds like an admirable trait, right? It can also be exhausting to take on keeping others happy. Though appearing selfless, they selfishly work to guard themselves from disappointment and rejection.

The need to be needed attracts people pleasers to others who fit into their way of relating. Together, the two form a co-dependent relationship. The people-pleaser contributes to another, while the receiver basks in being taken care of. There is security in this relationship, although extremely unhealthy.

Classically, people pleasers suffer from anxiety and depression. In an effort to avoid being viewed as lazy they lay in bed at night mind racing, fighting the reality that it is impossible to do it all. Typically, people are able to identify feeling anxious or depressed, but can rarely recognize the source. In the counseling room, I look past the outward symptoms to the inner cause of a client’s difficulty. Helping them identify, explore and take the first step toward healing change.

Here are a few tips on how to begin to work through people pleasing.

• Identify unhealthy ways of relating- What makes you angry? When do you feel overwhelmed?
• Explore your need to be needed- What causes you to seek external validation? Where have you learned that life is about making others happy rather than engaging in genuine relationship?
• Get to know and care for yourself- Shift your focus. What do you enjoy? Schedule time to relax, connect, and replenish yourself.
• Identify priorities- Determine what is most important to you. Create a list of your top 5 priorities along with why they are important to you.
• Set boundaries- You teach people how to treat you. When you let others overstep your boundaries resentment is born. The anger builds resulting in actions that are potentially damaging to your relationship. Ask yourself what you are willing to do and how much time you want to spend helping others. Then stick to your decision. Be sure to communicate your boundaries to those around you.
• Recognize you have a choice- You can only manage yourself. You decide how you spend your time and energy.
• Acknowledge your limitations- The only feelings and thoughts you can change are your own. The happiness you try to bring others does not last.
• Learn to say no- The first few times you say no will be difficult. As you reap the benefits of your decision you will recognize you have time for yourself and what is important to you.

Shifting your focus and setting healthy boundaries will allow you to find relationships fulfilling. Invite others to engage with you. Foster healthy relationship and recognize the benefits are mutual.

Family & the Holiday Season

The holidays are a time of year when families gather to celebrate the season. Many embrace this time in anticipation of a sweet reunion with family. A Christmas filled with love and cheer is hoped for as the disasters of Christmas’ past become a distant memory.
This can be a stressful time of year, especially for women. Along with the daily demands of life come shopping, decorating and family drama. Welcome the spirit of the season this year by preparing yourself and your family in advance to avoid fiery conflicts and merry meltdowns.

• Expectations. Be aware of how you anticipate the holiday season will go. Set realistic goals. When high hopes are created others are destined to fall short, as they are not aware of the expectations and may not be capable of meeting them. Instead, be realistic of your family member’s ability to connect with you. When reality is expected there is less room for disappointment.
• Traditions. As families mature and multiply there may come time for some of the family traditions to end. The Manger re-enactment may be more of a stressor than enjoyable; and the expense of buying presents for everyone may be too costly. Try creating new traditions together by communicating in advance about the upcoming family gathering.
• Conversation. Brainstorm possible topics of discussion in an effort to avoid awkward silences. Tell stories of experiences you’ve had over the past year or share your hopes for the coming year. Agree to keep hot topics off the table. Do not use family get-togethers as an opportunity to address unresolved issues. If things get too stressful take some time out, excuse yourself and take a walk or go check on the kids. Be aware of obvious changes in the family this year, whether due to death, military service or illness. Invite others to share memories; add a place setting for an absent family member; or write a group letter to the loved one.

Don’t let this holiday season be one you dread. With some planning and adjustments you may find you are able to welcome this time with merriment and cheer.

Music Speaks